It's not a big deal...
It breaks my heart every time an adult minimizes a child's feelings. At least 5 times a week, I hear an adult say something like this "it's not a big deal, there is no reason to be upset about, or you get what you get, and you don't get upset.
Why do we think we need to prepare children for the world by being unkind to them. We don't need to "toughen up" our children for the world; we need to show them what kindness, empathy, connections, and trust look like so they can pass it along to others.
"It's not a big deal! All the chairs are the same. Sit in the one I chose for you."
Let's reframe this situation. Do you have a favorite place to sit when you are at home? Do you get upset when someone sits in the spot you like to sit on the sofa? Is it a big deal to you?
I want you to put yourself in that child's shoes. It is okay to have a favorite place to sit in a space that feels like home to you.
"It's not a big deal! It's just a little water you don't need to change your clothes.
Let's reframe this situation. Do you feel comfortable when your clothing is wet? Do you have the freedom to change your clothes when you feel uncomfortable?
I want you to put yourself in that child's shoes. It is okay to want to feel comfortable in your clothing.
I could go on and on with these types of examples, but I'm sure I've made my point.
Next time you want to use the phrase It's not a big deal (or a similar term), stop and ask yourself if you would like someone to say that to you. Would you want someone who cares for you to dismiss your feelings?
We can do better. We need to do better.
