I started my journey into writing and facilitating professional development sessions for early childhood professionals almost nine years ago. One of the first workshops I wrote is on BIG feelings. The reason I chose that topic is personal and evokes a multitude of emotions.
As a child, I spent a lot of time and energy trying to "read" the emotions of the adults around me- I was always on edge, trying to prepare for the huge emotions (and their impact) on our daily lives. When young children grow up always trying to proactively prepare for and manage the feelings of the adults around them, they miss out on the benefits of co-regulation. When adults are only operating on the survival instincts of their reptilian brain, they cannot let a young child "borrow" their brain through supportive co-regulation.
As an adult, I still have the residual effects of needing to plan for the emotions of the adults around me. As a young teacher, this made being in a classroom filled with BIG feelings unbearable. Instead of being a stable and supportive adult, I often made situations worse because I was feeding those big feelings instead of being a safe space for them to move through. It took me a long time to develop my own tools for self-regulation so that I could be a trusted and supportive adult for the children in my care.
When I started writing workshops, I knew I had to start with the topic of BIG feelings. I know so many other adults experience the same struggles I did. I always want early childhood professionals to feel seen and heard. I never want them to feel like they need to be perfect. It is absolutely okay to be a work in progress. Young children need authentic and trusted adults who help them understand that it's normal to experience BIG emotions. Emotions are emotions- there are no good emotions or bad emotions.
As we start another school year, I want you to take note of the emotions you are feeling. Please don't ignore them or push them down; instead, try to understand why they keep appearing throughout the day. When you feel the emotions rising in your body, I want you to take a deep breath (practice some box breathing), walk across the room, and get a drink of water. I want you to say to yourself, "I am okay, it's okay to have BIG feelings, but it's not okay to let them spill out on the children". The more we recognize and support our own BIG feelings, the easier it becomes to be a trusted and supportive co-regulator for the children in our care.
