Relationships with Families
Relationships with Families
Since Transforming Early Childhood Education LLC is a one-woman show, I develop and facilitate all of the professional development opportunities. I have the pleasure of having great discussions with early childhood professionals. I also read every detail in the knowledge assessments submitted after completing my self-paced courses. I value each person’s lived experience and always pride myself on my ability to listen to understand (not listen to respond).
I have noticed a similar topic of conversation in both my in-person/virtual sessions and the reflections shared on the knowledge assessments. So many early childhood professionals are struggling with big feelings about parents and their (lack of) interest and participation in their child’s early years program. I often hear the phrases “they just don’t care” and “it doesn’t matter because they won’t listen” used by providers across the US.
While I absolutely understand where these sentiments come from, I can’t help but feel we are creating an us-versus-them mentality when, in reality, the children need both of us to help them learn and grow. We need each other to develop new tools that best meet the needs of the children in our care.
When something goes wrong, for example, a child is exhibiting a new behavior that feels challenging, it’s natural to look for someone to blame. Educators often believe the behavior stems from a change at home. Parents often believe the behavior stems from a change in the child’s learning environment. This happens because often parents and educators feel somewhat defensive about the possibility of being judged by others. As educators, we assume parents don’t know how hard our jobs are or don’t value what we do. Parents, sometimes lacking confidence in their parenting skills, feel vulnerable and exposed.
There are times when people mistake the work we do as early childhood professionals for co-parenting, but in reality, we are co-caregivers. When we look at ourselves as co-parents, we can begin to believe that the child’s other parent doesn’t care and doesn’t put the child first. This view leads us to see ourselves as rescuing the child. If we instead view ourselves as co-caregivers, we build an understanding that we are invested in the child and in their family.
As a parent myself, I can understand how a parent can have competing priorities. Having competing priorities doesn’t make anyone a “bad” parent. When a parent trusts their child’s caregiver, they often don’t feel the need to ask as many questions or read everything that comes home. I know that I struggled to understand this nuanced situation when I was in the classroom.
I truly believe that, as early childhood professionals and as parents (guardians), we are doing the best we can with the tools we currently have in our toolbox. Being in a space where we can lead with compassion (not judgment), use clear (kind) communication, and respond (not react) is the best option for all of us. Take the time to build warm and mutually respectful relationships with the families in your program. This can be complex, but I know that when we all work together, we make the lives of the children in our care so much better!
There is a lot of power in the act of reflection. Below are a few questions for you to ponder:
Do you believe there is a natural tendency to blame families for changes in a child’s behavior rather than assuming that the cause may be related to the child’s experience in your program? Why or why not?
Do you feel that your efforts are valued by the families in your program? What is the evidence? If you don’t agree, does this impact your relationships with them?
Is there mutual defensiveness between families and educators, even when the relationships is strong?
