MY SUPERPOWER IS ANXIETY
"When I facilitate in-person workshops, I always start by telling a bit of myself. I talk about how long I’ve worked with children/families, what ages I’ve taught and why I decided to leave the classroom to work with teachers. I also share that I am an introvert with a generalized anxiety disorder.
It has taken me a long time to share this with anyone outside my family. I’ve had anxiety for as long as I can remember. As a young child, while other children played, I was busy worrying that something terrible would happen to my family. I had daily headaches and stomachaches, which no one understood. My family called me their little worrywart. It was a different time, and anxiety was not discussed, nor was it something that would ever be a problem for a child.
These childhood worries continued into adulthood, but I became better at hiding them from everyone around me. I didn’t like the families of the children I cared for seeing me as someone who couldn’t handle stressful situations, especially when they often popped up in the classroom. As an educator, I wanted to be seen as someone competent and capable of handling anything that comes my way.
When we moved to North Carolina a few years ago, my anxiety was high. We were leaving all of our extended family behind to move to another state to make a better life for ourselves. We were leaving everything that was safe and familiar. Moving is stressful for everyone, but the unknown is a nightmare for someone with anxiety.
For the first few months, I struggled to hold it all together. My only salvation was spending my days with curious kindergartners. These magical little people and their families are the ones that allowed me to be myself. When a parent shared their worries about their anxious child or their struggles, I felt like I was finally free to share my story. I realized that I am not the person I am despite my anxiety. I am the person I am because anxiety is my superpower.
You may think it seems strange to look at my struggle as a superpower. My husband is a bit of a comic book nerd, so I’ve learned a thing or two about superheroes. The things that make a superhero so different from everyone else also give them great power.
My anxiety makes me different from many people around me. Still, those differences make me a pretty excellent teacher and parent. Instead of looking at my anxiety as a weakness, I now see it as my strength. My anxiety superpower gives me the ability to be organized, a keen observer, a great listener, empathetic, compassionate, thoughtful, an advocate, and a problem solver.
Although I now look differently at my anxiety, I want to be honest in saying that some days/weeks are still really hard. I still have days when I wake up feeling anxiety deep in my bones. Days when I feel like I should be worried, but I don’t know what I am supposed to be concerned about. Here’s a difference about those days/weeks I am no longer embarrassed by them. I have tools to help me deal with those feelings. I talk to my husband, go on a walk with my dog, sweat it out at the gym or see my doctor.
It is really easy to get sucked into this world where we are expected to be the perfect teacher and parent. What if we lived in a world where we could share our struggles and those struggles were met with grace (instead of judgment). Instead of spending time in this imaginary world, wouldn’t it be easier to be ourselves?
When working with children and their families, it is crucial to be true to yourself. I wish I had a teacher in my life who shared with me that they also worried. Having someone share their struggles and strategies would have made a considerable difference in how I saw myself.
Sharing worries with children is a fantastic way to show empathy and understanding when they seem worried. Be mindful when sharing, as you don’t want to cause more anxious thoughts for the child (or yourself). You can also model coping strategies to give them tools for their self-care toolbox.
Look at your struggles through the superpower lens and use this vision to change the world! I’m not saying you have to share every personal detail of your life or shout the news from the rooftop (unless that’s your thing). What I am saying is that you need to be honest with yourself.
